Sweet Dreams
Last night, Rylee had another sleepless night, tossing and turning, trying not to think about the thoughts playing over and over again in her head. Funny thing how not trying to think about something seems to bring it even closer to us. Rylee wanted to stop her thoughts about some painful memories but the more she tried to stop them the stronger and more vivid they became.
During one of our coaching sessions I used an exercise with Rylee that you can try yourself:
Take a moment to get comfortable in your chair, take in a slow deep breath, close your eyes, relax, and for 10 seconds - do not think about a white feather!
How'd you do? Did you see a white feather? What did it look like to you? In your mind's eye you have just opened the file on feathers and your mind now has a new job - to be on the lookout for and gather all things feathers.
We often feel burdened by our own maniac or unwanted stressful thoughts, wondering do we think them or do they think us? Do you have unwanted thoughts that keep coming like the proverbial energizer bunny? Then of course, there is the emotion and stress that comes with some of those unwanted thoughts. Remember back to the last time you tossed and turned during the night fighting those thoughts, struggling to turn them off. We might often say to friends or family after a bout of sleeplessness; ‘I just couldn’t turn off the tape playing in my head, it just kept playing over and over again’. You almost feel relieved when the morning comes but weak and drained as well.
What if you could become the manager of your own thoughts? Choosing which ones to entertain and which ones to reject. More or less like the game of cloud watching we played as children when we laid outside on a warm afternoon on the lawn gazing up into a sky filled with clouds and trying to name and make a picture out of the image in the clouds. Remember playing that game? We didn’t use every cloud, only those our eyes could see promise in. And we can choose our thoughts just like we chose our clouds. We can choose which thoughts to focus on and which not to. It can be just that simple. By not giving the thought attention we choose NOT to make it stronger. It often happens that what is ignored just fades to nothingness, dries up and blows away.
Here is an another exercise to try.
In my life coaching practice I often use The Work of Byron Katie. She has a meditation exercise that has you observe your thoughts. Simply done, just sit quietly with eyes closed and watch as a thought appears in your mind's eye, let's say the clutter in your closet. Then give it a brief snapshot picture in your mind. Now name the thought with one word - we'll say ‘Closet’. Now thank the thought for trying to connect to you and just let it go on its way.
It is when you bring those thoughts closer, playing them over and over in your mind that they become stronger. It’s almost as if you breathe life and strength into the thoughts the more you pay attention to them. The longer you entertain a thought the stronger a hold it has on you. Which is great when its a pleasant thought. But if the thought is causing stress, this exercise can show you how to release it's hold on your mind (and your sleeplessness).
It takes a bit of practice but give it a try, play the game of name it, picture it, thank it, and let it go.
Imagine being able to choose the thoughts you want to focus on. You can send your unwanted thoughts to the recycle bin or simply dismiss them as you did the unwanted cloud. Thinking, ‘Nope, not that one’. If and when, out of mere habit, the thought tries to reconnect with you, just acknowledge its presence and simply let it go. After awhile the habit will break and the annoying stressful thoughts will start floating away.
And what about the thought you want, the pleasant memory passing by that is fun, uplifting and loving? You can manage the thought you want to encourage and promote by envisioning it, naming it and feeding it, adding a supporting thought thereby making the thought stronger and clearer. Now you are off and running with not only a more enjoyable tape playing in your mind but you have just altered your emotions (energy in motion), and your actual physical well being.
Sweet dreams.