Break-ups and Heartbreak

Well, it happened again, another relationship down the tubes. Sound familiar? Look back and consider how many breakups youve experienced. We probably missed or suppressed the troubling signs that were there in the beginning. Hindsight is wonderful but it doesn’t save us from the pain, the headache and heartbreak.

Sometimes Love Isn't Enough

We get into dead end relationships when we ignore the troubling, subtle signs and invite men into our lives that are wrong for us, thinking we’ll just be watchful and see how the relationship plays out. Sometimes the new and exciting physical relationship causes us to focus on the positive qualities in him while we ignore the red flags, hoping we have had enough experience in life to smooth out the wrinkles as love develops, and that love will conquer all. We sometimes ignore the problems because we so desperately want to find our one and only and be able to enjoy what we hope are the comforts of a close, healthy and loving relationship. Sometimes rather than look for Mr. Right we settle for Mr. right now.

Troubling Signs

We sort of see the troubling signs, but we make excuses, saying he was cute, really fun, and we had great times together. We have this need to see where the relationship will go. We tell ourselves that nobody’s perfect. And, when there is great chemistry, maybe the need for physical intimacy is really what we were looking for.

Take Amy, who's former boyfriend was at first very thoughtful and doted on her. Amy was flattered by his numerous gifts that were too expensive for his budget. He was very attentive and wanted to be with her constantly. Amy noticed that he was moving the relationship along too quickly but she didn’t want to be without a man. In a short few months he wanted Amy to move in with him.

When Amy’s friends suggested she take a little more time with the move, her boyfriend became angry and told her not to see her friends anymore. When Amy continued seeing her friends he threatened her with physical harm. Amy finally had to move in with her parents to avoid his stalking.

Resetting YOUR Internal Compass

Martha Beck, my mentor in life coaching, and O, Oprah Magazine’s life coach, has developed an exercise that resets your internal compass, allows you to listen to your inner voice and act on your intuition through the methodology and tools of North Star life coaching.

The only qualifier is the client must be willing to let go of the past and ready to move towards her future. It can be an emotional experience but, once your compass has been reset this powerful tool can direct you to your best life.

Developing Intuition

Acknowledging the gift of intuition is key. Our intuition was put into place when our first cells were forming, just for us and us alone, it's part of our internal compass. It's there for us 24/7 from birth to death. It's a gift, but it's up to us to pay attention to it, listen and act on it.

It tells us in which direction to go and when to pause or turn towards a different direction, an even better direction. As we practice using our internal compass it becomes more useful to us. Instead of over investing too early in a relationship by not being more selective and discriminating, we can act on our gut reaction as we listen to and trust our inner voice.

Hearing Your Inner Voice

I still remember Cindy, one of my first clients, who was in her late 50's, a workaholic, and on the verge of another breakup. She described Ken as overly demanding of her free time because he liked to travel. When we sorted through the debris of her past failed relationships, we discovered that her fear of being poor was telling her to work constantly but her intuition was telling her to enjoy life and travel with Ken. Once Cindy started hearing her inner voice and listening to her intuition she realized that she needed to release her fear and that spending more time with Ken was healthy. I still see Cindy from time to time, she is smiling more now and still with Ken.

After the Breakup "To Thine Own Self Be True"

Get in touch with your true self. Know your core qualities, behaviors, habits, and also your hot buttons. We so easily point the finger at "him" and what "he" lacks instead of looking to see where we might need a different point of view. Take note of what you have learned from past relationships. Acknowledge and be thankful for what was good. For the future, practice using your internal compass, your intuition. When you begin dating again be more focused on what partner you want to invite into your life. Discerning if the two of you mesh together or if you see red flags. Resist the urge to think there are just no good men around, or they’re all taken. Rest assured, there are plenty of good men around, men that are fun, smart, financially sound, thoughtful, generous, attractive, available and who can’t wait to meet you.

More Clarity. More Momentum. More Results.