Button Pushing 101 - For The Holidays

The holidays are upon us, plans are in the making for the traditional family celebrations. It seems to be a tradition in many families that some members have a knack for pushing each others buttons. Others, upon entering the realm of the family gathering go into self-protection mode hoping to achieve a peaceful coexistence.

We all know or have known someone that just knows how to push our buttons. You know that really special button that when pushed into our sensitive, vulnerable spot can send us into immediate fear, anger or create thoughts of wanting to bolt in the opposite direction.

We all know someone that we don't discuss certain subjects with, even a helpful comment about a forbidden subject, because if we do they will fly off the handle and hit the roof. In spite of our best efforts to avoid the buttons, how do we diffuse the situation when someone does push a button?

We can calmly tell that special someone not to press our button, We can also learn to not take it personally. Choosing not to take the internal hit, not to get caught up in the emotional drama, knowing the other person, hopefully is not trying to provoke a conflict.

Some of us will never be able to let go of all of our buttons. Deep emotional conditioning has touched our life leaving its mark. With the right care, the right tools, a bit of time and a bountiful measure of self love, and forgiveness we can get to a place where the hot button is just a slight annoyance or better yet a distant faint memory.

Here is a helpful tool I learned from Byron Katie to use when your button has been pushed called "The Work." It asks four questions of an emotionally charged, stressful thought and then you turn it around for a different perspective. Here is "The Work" in its basic form.

To a stressful thought you ask:

1. Is it True? (If the answer is No move to #3)
2. Can you absolutely know it’s true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Then Turn the Thought Around

Find three genuine examples of how the turnaround is as true or truer in your life.

When I facilitate someone I also may use sub questions to go even deeper into the questioning process. I call this surgery for the soul. Below is an example, give it a try with your most stressful thought of the day.

Start with a short simple belief like: ”Steve shouldn’t push my buttons”.

1. Q: Is it true?
   A: Yes, Steve shouldn’t push my buttons. It confuses me and hurts my feelings.
2. Q: Can you absolutely know its true, that Steve shouldn’t push my buttons?
   A: No, because he does and that is the reality of it.
3. Q: How do you react when you believe that Steve shouldn’t push my buttons?
   A: I get upset, angry and hurt, my stomach flips, and my muscles tighten.
4. Q: Who would you be without the thought that Steve shouldn’t push my buttons?
   A: I would be me; kind, friendly, loving, and enjoying my day.

First turnaround: Steve should push my buttons, because sometimes he does, and that is reality.
Second turnaround: I shouldn’t push my buttons. It is my thinking that is causing my reaction.
Third turnaround: I shouldn’t push Steve’s buttons. Yikes, and sometimes I do, inadvertently.

What we’re looking for is a turnaround that is as true or truer than the original statement. To shift our perception giving us a different, truer point of view with less pain and suffering. By doing this work you will find more peace in your life and less stressful thoughts. Just judge your button pusher, write it down, ask four questions and turn it around. Take a slice of peaceful coexistence and pass it around.

More Clarity. More Momentum. More Results.